13:13 in the afternoon, 5th april 2011.
binge eating and purging.
Nothing has changed.
i'm a disappointment.
killing myself, little by little.
still painting on the smiles.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
an update.
Faith for the future;
A stagnant thought.
A numb body beyond cure;
A lost battle- once fought.
Her restless nights;
Crammed- dreaded dreams.
Mind- enigmatic sounds;
Her- devil within.
Yet she pleads and begs;
For a well again end.
A chance at life;
The savage- Mend.
A stagnant thought.
A numb body beyond cure;
A lost battle- once fought.
Her restless nights;
Crammed- dreaded dreams.
Mind- enigmatic sounds;
Her- devil within.
Yet she pleads and begs;
For a well again end.
A chance at life;
The savage- Mend.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Finally, a new beginning.
I am determined to overcome my problem.
five years is too long a time wasted...
Thank goodness i'm taking steps and i'm heading towards recovery.
(=
today's the 7th of may 2009..
i'm going to be frank with you, about my problem..
i've been carrying the horrible burden of suffering from what people call "a" and "b" for 5years..
I call it ED
Basically, ED is the only relationship ive had in my life...
ive had ED...for as long as i remember..
ED TOOK AWAY MY LIFE...
my five year relationship with ED.
i couldnt live without him. i was obsessed with him and i couldnt live my life normally. Everyday, all i thought about was ED
when i wake up, when i get ready, in school, when im out with friends, at home, before i sleep, i even DREAM OF ED.
so now, im determined to "break up" with ED, so i can Start my life anew,
a fresh
and NORMAL.
But what is normal? i find it hard to imagine.
it aint all that simple though,
because of ED, now i've insecurities.. i feel unworthy of life in general.
unworthy of love.
unworthy of a normal life
and im afraid to be normal.. im not saying that im depressed, because i'm not.
i'm saying im afraid to step out of my five-year bubble.
somehow, with ED, i feel like im living in a world of my own..that i neednt worry about a thing in the big outside world. thus i didnt bother talking to people or knowing people for any form of relationship apart from the friends i already had.
"But how can i live on that way?" i asked myself
All my friends are moving on in life.. and im still stuck.. not moving, stagnant- or perhaps even getting worse!
the doctors told me, a year ago
"if you continue on like this, it'd be a miracle if you live past twenty"
"Someone would probably find you dead with your head in the toilet bowl"
honestly, a year ago.. i didnt really care... i mean, so what, as long as i stay within my comfort zone with ED, i'm happy and fine...
but i wasnt really.
i wasnt fine..
i was sick,
AND I AM GOING TO STOP MY STUPID OBSESSION WITH ED
so i got myself a permanent fixture.
it means peace.love.family and the national Eating disorder recovery symbol.
and im happy.
and i will be, now till forever.
XOXO
five years is too long a time wasted...
Thank goodness i'm taking steps and i'm heading towards recovery.
(=
today's the 7th of may 2009..
i'm going to be frank with you, about my problem..
i've been carrying the horrible burden of suffering from what people call "a" and "b" for 5years..
I call it ED
Basically, ED is the only relationship ive had in my life...
ive had ED...for as long as i remember..
ED TOOK AWAY MY LIFE...
my five year relationship with ED.
i couldnt live without him. i was obsessed with him and i couldnt live my life normally. Everyday, all i thought about was ED
when i wake up, when i get ready, in school, when im out with friends, at home, before i sleep, i even DREAM OF ED.
so now, im determined to "break up" with ED, so i can Start my life anew,
a fresh
and NORMAL.
But what is normal? i find it hard to imagine.
it aint all that simple though,
because of ED, now i've insecurities.. i feel unworthy of life in general.
unworthy of love.
unworthy of a normal life
and im afraid to be normal.. im not saying that im depressed, because i'm not.
i'm saying im afraid to step out of my five-year bubble.
somehow, with ED, i feel like im living in a world of my own..that i neednt worry about a thing in the big outside world. thus i didnt bother talking to people or knowing people for any form of relationship apart from the friends i already had.
"But how can i live on that way?" i asked myself
All my friends are moving on in life.. and im still stuck.. not moving, stagnant- or perhaps even getting worse!
the doctors told me, a year ago
"if you continue on like this, it'd be a miracle if you live past twenty"
"Someone would probably find you dead with your head in the toilet bowl"
honestly, a year ago.. i didnt really care... i mean, so what, as long as i stay within my comfort zone with ED, i'm happy and fine...
but i wasnt really.
i wasnt fine..
i was sick,
AND I AM GOING TO STOP MY STUPID OBSESSION WITH ED
so i got myself a permanent fixture.
it means peace.love.family and the national Eating disorder recovery symbol.
and im happy.
and i will be, now till forever.
XOXO
Friday, November 7, 2008
the Truth revealed
Well, i've not been updating my blog.. for an Extremely LONG time- the eve of my birthday..
all those posts on my sad lonely life.. well, they were written when i was at my worst. i'm sure there are happy days and sad days for everybody. For me, it's more of like-a cycle. Im happy when i'm with friends and company..
Dont get me all wrong. Im happy Most of the time...
i just write my blog entries when im DEPRESSED.
Still, i must admit, i have hidden problems and an abundance of insecurities;
Something not anyone is proud of. I've learnt to live with them though.. sometimes i wonder how i can live Without these problems.
I'm thankful to have the life i have. Despite all my negative aspects and social insecurities, i'm proud to say, i live a happy contented life.
My social circle consists of just friends-i guess that's a good thing? but ive to learn to open up, perhaps more.in the future.
note to self:
florence, youve to start to love yourself.
all those posts on my sad lonely life.. well, they were written when i was at my worst. i'm sure there are happy days and sad days for everybody. For me, it's more of like-a cycle. Im happy when i'm with friends and company..
Dont get me all wrong. Im happy Most of the time...
i just write my blog entries when im DEPRESSED.
Still, i must admit, i have hidden problems and an abundance of insecurities;
Something not anyone is proud of. I've learnt to live with them though.. sometimes i wonder how i can live Without these problems.
I'm thankful to have the life i have. Despite all my negative aspects and social insecurities, i'm proud to say, i live a happy contented life.
My social circle consists of just friends-i guess that's a good thing? but ive to learn to open up, perhaps more.in the future.
note to self:
florence, youve to start to love yourself.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Heart
I don't know why.. but day by day, i just feel more and more closed in, more and more like as though- if each time some stranger laughs, he's laughing at me. Why?!
I know i've alot to be thankful for, my friends.my family.
But why Me? Why My Life? I don't know..Im not worthy of anything.
There is a monster living deep inside of me.
He eats my insides making me feel hungry.
I try to fill the void that he leaves inside.
No matter how much I bury him,
He just wont die.
I know the problem,
So why cant I stop?
I eat and eat until I feel my insides rot.
I beat myself with guilt,
Every time I let that monster win.
But when I'm done feeling sorry for myself,
The cycle begins all over again.
I get called so many vile names because I'm fat.
You'd think I'd want to stop just because of that.
But the pain people cause just makes me crave more.
I find myself hiding behind the refrigerator door.
I can't go on living this lie.
I am tired of drowning the pain,
That I try to hide.
My secret is tearing me apart.
Because no amount of food in the world,
Will satisfy my starving heart.
I know i've alot to be thankful for, my friends.my family.
But why Me? Why My Life? I don't know..Im not worthy of anything.
There is a monster living deep inside of me.
He eats my insides making me feel hungry.
I try to fill the void that he leaves inside.
No matter how much I bury him,
He just wont die.
I know the problem,
So why cant I stop?
I eat and eat until I feel my insides rot.
I beat myself with guilt,
Every time I let that monster win.
But when I'm done feeling sorry for myself,
The cycle begins all over again.
I get called so many vile names because I'm fat.
You'd think I'd want to stop just because of that.
But the pain people cause just makes me crave more.
I find myself hiding behind the refrigerator door.
I can't go on living this lie.
I am tired of drowning the pain,
That I try to hide.
My secret is tearing me apart.
Because no amount of food in the world,
Will satisfy my starving heart.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
life
I'm stuck in a world where I don't want to be
Suffering a pain that no one can see
A pain so deep, so bottled up inside
Brings thoughts of self-harm and suicide.
These thoughts trigger a self-punishing action
But to me it’s a mere distraction
I'm plagued by these thoughts in my mind
To me they're so clear but to others they're blind.
Each day I wake with hostile thoughts
What lies ahead makes me fraught
The voice in my head is so intense
To others it's nothing but to me it's immense
I feel despondent with no future ahead
But I'll have one soon and this path I'll tread
This path will lead me to a place I can endure
And I'll never go back to the way I was before.
with love.
Suffering a pain that no one can see
A pain so deep, so bottled up inside
Brings thoughts of self-harm and suicide.
These thoughts trigger a self-punishing action
But to me it’s a mere distraction
I'm plagued by these thoughts in my mind
To me they're so clear but to others they're blind.
Each day I wake with hostile thoughts
What lies ahead makes me fraught
The voice in my head is so intense
To others it's nothing but to me it's immense
I feel despondent with no future ahead
But I'll have one soon and this path I'll tread
This path will lead me to a place I can endure
And I'll never go back to the way I was before.
with love.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
a poem i wrote.
She’s Sick. She’s Nauseous.
She’s full of contempt.
She Hates her living
She contemplates death.
Her stomach
turning, jumping,
And calling for help.
Yet she pushes up the fuel
She consumed before that.
Will her body survive,
After years of this pain
Will she mentally break?
Due to this shame.
She’s wincing. Disgusted.
Praying it away.
She looks at reflections.
In a different way.
She sees a painting
Of a different Thing.
She’s looking in the mirror.
She’s Fighting her mind.
She’s trying to find a goodness inside.
She has to focus
Allow her system to digest.
But her mind says NO.
No. She’s a mess.
The hurt. The pain. The disgust.
Its too much to handle.
The poor girl’s a mess.
The power of her master
Took over her body
She gives her fuel away
Gladly and reluctantly.
She’s turning to bones.
Too thin, now happy.
Trying to deceive herself
That Thin equals happy
Master you’re a liar!
Master you’re a user!
Master you’re a horrid inducer!
Master she hates you.
Yet she needs you.
Let her go, dear master;
Please, she begs you.
Her painful starvation.
Her heart palpitations.
Her mind’s in a mess.
Due to contemplation.
She’s now exhausted,
Extremely weak
She’s Sick. Nauseated.
In pain
And in lost.
You won’t leave her alone.
Dissociation - self-taught.
Her pain she bears
Makes her body run weak.
Makes her time fall short.
Shattered and sick.
Her mind’s a mess.
She’s gone whacked.
Her parents.
Her brother.
Her old friends.
Is like a fantasy she dreams
In Disney land.
Day in and day out.
She’s split into two.
One side’s a fantasy.
The other’s Doom.
Master, leave her to heal
forgive, and move on.
She’s too much of a slave
Her freedom, now gone.
Master, please.
She begs
Give her the freedom she longs.
She’s been Stomped on.
Stepped, Tossed, dear Master.
She has endured far enough.
She’s like a rag doll, dear Master
She’s lost her cry.
She’s too torn,
And then mended.
Stitched, by your Master hands.
Only to have the same happen
Torn over and over again.
She finds herself lost
In pain and in sorrow
She’s now praying by pen,
Her world is so hollow.
She uses the tool
Known as the pen.
The Universe blessed for her
Held in her fragile hands
She writes Master’s words
To keep her mind in line.
But all the while,
She’s hoping
Someone, whoever, can identify.
May she help one more get by.
She’s full of contempt.
She Hates her living
She contemplates death.
Her stomach
turning, jumping,
And calling for help.
Yet she pushes up the fuel
She consumed before that.
Will her body survive,
After years of this pain
Will she mentally break?
Due to this shame.
She’s wincing. Disgusted.
Praying it away.
She looks at reflections.
In a different way.
She sees a painting
Of a different Thing.
She’s looking in the mirror.
She’s Fighting her mind.
She’s trying to find a goodness inside.
She has to focus
Allow her system to digest.
But her mind says NO.
No. She’s a mess.
The hurt. The pain. The disgust.
Its too much to handle.
The poor girl’s a mess.
The power of her master
Took over her body
She gives her fuel away
Gladly and reluctantly.
She’s turning to bones.
Too thin, now happy.
Trying to deceive herself
That Thin equals happy
Master you’re a liar!
Master you’re a user!
Master you’re a horrid inducer!
Master she hates you.
Yet she needs you.
Let her go, dear master;
Please, she begs you.
Her painful starvation.
Her heart palpitations.
Her mind’s in a mess.
Due to contemplation.
She’s now exhausted,
Extremely weak
She’s Sick. Nauseated.
In pain
And in lost.
You won’t leave her alone.
Dissociation - self-taught.
Her pain she bears
Makes her body run weak.
Makes her time fall short.
Shattered and sick.
Her mind’s a mess.
She’s gone whacked.
Her parents.
Her brother.
Her old friends.
Is like a fantasy she dreams
In Disney land.
Day in and day out.
She’s split into two.
One side’s a fantasy.
The other’s Doom.
Master, leave her to heal
forgive, and move on.
She’s too much of a slave
Her freedom, now gone.
Master, please.
She begs
Give her the freedom she longs.
She’s been Stomped on.
Stepped, Tossed, dear Master.
She has endured far enough.
She’s like a rag doll, dear Master
She’s lost her cry.
She’s too torn,
And then mended.
Stitched, by your Master hands.
Only to have the same happen
Torn over and over again.
She finds herself lost
In pain and in sorrow
She’s now praying by pen,
Her world is so hollow.
She uses the tool
Known as the pen.
The Universe blessed for her
Held in her fragile hands
She writes Master’s words
To keep her mind in line.
But all the while,
She’s hoping
Someone, whoever, can identify.
May she help one more get by.
Monday, April 21, 2008
My life in voice.
Things has got so out of control. i feel like a bird in a cage. i yearn to be free, yet when anyone trys to open the cage, in hope i'd fly- i've this huge fear and reluctance.
in fact, to be quite frank, perhaps this 'cage' has now become a home to me. somewhere i can be alone and hide. somewhere i've become accustomed to.
Kelly Clarkson's 'Addicted' depicts my life in voice.
It's like you're a drug. It's like you're a demon I can't face down.
It's like I'm stuck. It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech, Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe... Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
It's like I can't breathe, It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you, I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think, Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts..In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me..It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm lost. It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me, Leave me alone!
And I know these voices in my head..Are mine alone..
And I know I'll never change my ways,If I don't give you up now!
It's like I can't breathe.. It's like I can't see anything!..
Nothing but you/..I'm addicted to you..
It's like I can't think..Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts, In my dreams.. You've taken over me!
It's like I'm not me..It's like I'm not me...
I'm hooked on you,I need a fix.. I can't take it.. Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it, I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time..Then that's it
It's like I can't breathe. It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you. I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think.. Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
in fact, to be quite frank, perhaps this 'cage' has now become a home to me. somewhere i can be alone and hide. somewhere i've become accustomed to.
Kelly Clarkson's 'Addicted' depicts my life in voice.
It's like you're a drug. It's like you're a demon I can't face down.
It's like I'm stuck. It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech, Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe... Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
It's like I can't breathe, It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you, I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think, Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts..In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me..It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm lost. It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me, Leave me alone!
And I know these voices in my head..Are mine alone..
And I know I'll never change my ways,If I don't give you up now!
It's like I can't breathe.. It's like I can't see anything!..
Nothing but you/..I'm addicted to you..
It's like I can't think..Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts, In my dreams.. You've taken over me!
It's like I'm not me..It's like I'm not me...
I'm hooked on you,I need a fix.. I can't take it.. Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it, I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time..Then that's it
It's like I can't breathe. It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you. I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think.. Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
The Truth
I don't know why i feel like this everyday of my life..
its something i've got accustomed to. day in and day out, ive to occupy myself..or else hell would hit me like a ton of bricks. actually hell does hit me,everynight. and it sucks. no one truly knows how my life is like. it;s my own doing,so its my fault. but why must this happen to me? what have i done in my life to deserve such punishment? my body weakens each time..i know if i continue it;d lead to my deathbed. i know that nothing good is coming out of this pain i yearn to hault. i need to find light, to find peace..but each time i think of it, 'Peace' is a fear. and my life is nothing but a burden hidden by a clown's smile. if only people knew, how hidden i was.. if only they'd know that their taughting and harsh words, or their thoughts of me and my life are nothing but scraches on my already torn image.
its something i've got accustomed to. day in and day out, ive to occupy myself..or else hell would hit me like a ton of bricks. actually hell does hit me,everynight. and it sucks. no one truly knows how my life is like. it;s my own doing,so its my fault. but why must this happen to me? what have i done in my life to deserve such punishment? my body weakens each time..i know if i continue it;d lead to my deathbed. i know that nothing good is coming out of this pain i yearn to hault. i need to find light, to find peace..but each time i think of it, 'Peace' is a fear. and my life is nothing but a burden hidden by a clown's smile. if only people knew, how hidden i was.. if only they'd know that their taughting and harsh words, or their thoughts of me and my life are nothing but scraches on my already torn image.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
a typical conversation with lyon
my msn nick > flying elephants.
Lyon's msn nick> lyon
Conversation
lyon - says: (10:21:51 PM)
omg, there r actually elephants tt can fly?? COOL!!
flying elephants says: (10:22:21 PM)
HELL YEA! THEY DRANK RED BULL...
flying elephants says: (10:22:25 PM)
IT GAVE THEM WINGS
lyon - says: (10:22:42 PM)
awesome!! but it didnt work for me :(
flying elephants says: (10:24:14 PM)
awwww.COS IT DONT WORK FOR GIRAFFES
flying elephants says: (10:24:25 PM)
only ELEPHANTS.
lyon - says: (10:24:34 PM)
hmm but did u fly??
flying elephants says: (10:24:40 PM)
and RACCOONS
lyon - says: (10:24:44 PM)
if u did, tt means ur an elephant!!
flying elephants says: (10:24:45 PM)
im the RACCOON
flying elephants says: (10:25:23 PM)
(: the elephant's my boyfriend
lyon - says: (10:26:23 PM)
oh man, ur bf is HUGE!! ask him to watch out for me while hes flyin. dont crash into my head
flying elephants says: (10:27:28 PM)
hahaa! YEA. But no worries.. he likes touchig clouds
lyon - says: (10:28:04 PM)
but my head reaches way outta e ozone
lyon - says: (10:28:16 PM)
so he'll still hav to watch it
flying elephants says: (10:30:31 PM)
hehe.YEAH. i'll ask him to try to avoid collision with you're ever so 'into-the-ozone' head
flying elephants says: (10:30:39 PM)
your*
flying elephants says: (10:31:51 PM)
no wonder your mind's aways 'way out there!' into lala land.. and nvr in the right mind... cant blameyou for your muddle-mindedness.
flying elephants says: (10:31:53 PM)
hahaha
lyon - says: (10:32:32 PM)
omg u mean u juz realised?? tt took u awhile..
lyon - says: (10:32:35 PM)
hahaha
flying elephants says: (10:33:56 PM)
HEY. im raccoon k.cant blame me.. im much smaller then you are
flying elephants says: (10:33:58 PM)
BUT.
flying elephants says: (10:33:59 PM)
BUT. good things come in small packages
lyon - says: (10:34:23 PM)
gd things?? *ahem* r u sure??
lyon - says: (10:34:24 PM)
hahaha
lyon - says: (10:34:26 PM)
jkjk!!
flying elephants says: (10:38:13 PM)
HEHE.okie fine..
flying elephants says: (10:38:18 PM)
not good things..
flying elephants says: (10:38:24 PM)
EXTREMELY GOOD.
flying elephants says: (10:38:26 PM)
HAHAHAHAA
yon - says: (10:38:45 PM)
(HM)i dont think so..
flying elephants says: (10:41:12 PM)
YOU KNOW SO
flying elephants says: (10:41:14 PM)
(:
lyon - says: (10:41:26 PM)
aye.. u win tis one.
Lyon's msn nick> lyon
Conversation
lyon - says: (10:21:51 PM)
omg, there r actually elephants tt can fly?? COOL!!
flying elephants says: (10:22:21 PM)
HELL YEA! THEY DRANK RED BULL...
flying elephants says: (10:22:25 PM)
IT GAVE THEM WINGS
lyon - says: (10:22:42 PM)
awesome!! but it didnt work for me :(
flying elephants says: (10:24:14 PM)
awwww.COS IT DONT WORK FOR GIRAFFES
flying elephants says: (10:24:25 PM)
only ELEPHANTS.
lyon - says: (10:24:34 PM)
hmm but did u fly??
flying elephants says: (10:24:40 PM)
and RACCOONS
lyon - says: (10:24:44 PM)
if u did, tt means ur an elephant!!
flying elephants says: (10:24:45 PM)
im the RACCOON
flying elephants says: (10:25:23 PM)
(: the elephant's my boyfriend
lyon - says: (10:26:23 PM)
oh man, ur bf is HUGE!! ask him to watch out for me while hes flyin. dont crash into my head
flying elephants says: (10:27:28 PM)
hahaa! YEA. But no worries.. he likes touchig clouds
lyon - says: (10:28:04 PM)
but my head reaches way outta e ozone
lyon - says: (10:28:16 PM)
so he'll still hav to watch it
flying elephants says: (10:30:31 PM)
hehe.YEAH. i'll ask him to try to avoid collision with you're ever so 'into-the-ozone' head
flying elephants says: (10:30:39 PM)
your*
flying elephants says: (10:31:51 PM)
no wonder your mind's aways 'way out there!' into lala land.. and nvr in the right mind... cant blameyou for your muddle-mindedness.
flying elephants says: (10:31:53 PM)
hahaha
lyon - says: (10:32:32 PM)
omg u mean u juz realised?? tt took u awhile..
lyon - says: (10:32:35 PM)
hahaha
flying elephants says: (10:33:56 PM)
HEY. im raccoon k.cant blame me.. im much smaller then you are
flying elephants says: (10:33:58 PM)
BUT.
flying elephants says: (10:33:59 PM)
BUT. good things come in small packages
lyon - says: (10:34:23 PM)
gd things?? *ahem* r u sure??
lyon - says: (10:34:24 PM)
hahaha
lyon - says: (10:34:26 PM)
jkjk!!
flying elephants says: (10:38:13 PM)
HEHE.okie fine..
flying elephants says: (10:38:18 PM)
not good things..
flying elephants says: (10:38:24 PM)
EXTREMELY GOOD.
flying elephants says: (10:38:26 PM)
HAHAHAHAA
yon - says: (10:38:45 PM)
(HM)i dont think so..
flying elephants says: (10:41:12 PM)
YOU KNOW SO
flying elephants says: (10:41:14 PM)
(:
lyon - says: (10:41:26 PM)
aye.. u win tis one.
Friday, March 7, 2008
it's been quite some time.. and life hasn't changed much.
i'm somewhat confused, and somewhat sad.
my teen years are flying past me...
and little can i do. i have the best bunch of friends i could ever ask for..
and that's all i have.
there's nothing much to me though...
they say, Everyone is born for someone.
but... Not everyone gets to know that someone
And as the clock ticks by,
it's weird..all my eighteen years.
but thank goodness for my friends...
they are my pillars. and my joy.
and love? all i know are tears and fears..
but then again, who am i to judge.
i know nothing of that sort,
i'm somewhat confused, and somewhat sad.
my teen years are flying past me...
and little can i do. i have the best bunch of friends i could ever ask for..
and that's all i have.
there's nothing much to me though...
they say, Everyone is born for someone.
but... Not everyone gets to know that someone
And as the clock ticks by,
it's weird..all my eighteen years.
but thank goodness for my friends...
they are my pillars. and my joy.
and love? all i know are tears and fears..
but then again, who am i to judge.
i know nothing of that sort,
Friday, September 7, 2007
Something- Not quite good enough
I have this Huge Massive Problem- Well, at least I think I do.
What’s bothering Me?
I think I know what’s bothering me.
Me.
I’m bothering Me.
I’m simply not good enough
But What’s good enough?
I Was Never good enough
And I’ll Never be good enough
I know that.
Funny thing really- When I finally sit down and think about it; I’m not quite sure how I want Me to be Me. Sometimes, I want to be taller. Sometimes I’m contented. Then I’d want to be plumper, but sometimes I’d feel I’m Fat- then I’d want to lose weight. And before I lose a few pounds- I’d feel I’m too skinny and I’d want to gain some kilos. Then when I finally get down to eating- I’d feel appalling and gigantic. Then the cycle repeats itself. Sometimes I feel Proud of myself- That’d I’m just fine the way I am. But moments later, I’d feel- Not good enough. And worst, is when I feel utterly dreadful; as though I’m a revolting skinny stick-insect around- or perhaps a hideous stout Green Troll. You question me- Why don’t you try out a relationship? Well, I’ll tell you why Missy-
I’m simply not good enough
But What’s good enough?
I Was Never good enough
And I’ll Never be good enough
Does that answer your question?- No? Well, I’d just have to go on saying that I haven’t found the right one- That I’m too young – That Singlehood and No Dating is the Best- That I’ve no time
Which are all actually pretty darn true.
Still. You tell me- Florence, you’re so Lucky.
Lucky? Lucky? You tell me I’m lucky? Yes. I am. Very lucky in fact. To have awesome friends and a Caring family. But I’m not lucky- To have Me as Me. What on earth is wrong with me? Why am I bothering to express how I really feel- Behind all the jokes and Never-Ending Chit-Chats. I’m sure many of You Missies feel the same way as I do. That Your simply not good enough.
But what’s good enough?
You were never good enough
And you’ll never be.
Finally.A Post.
What’s bothering Me?
I think I know what’s bothering me.
Me.
I’m bothering Me.
I’m simply not good enough
But What’s good enough?
I Was Never good enough
And I’ll Never be good enough
I know that.
Funny thing really- When I finally sit down and think about it; I’m not quite sure how I want Me to be Me. Sometimes, I want to be taller. Sometimes I’m contented. Then I’d want to be plumper, but sometimes I’d feel I’m Fat- then I’d want to lose weight. And before I lose a few pounds- I’d feel I’m too skinny and I’d want to gain some kilos. Then when I finally get down to eating- I’d feel appalling and gigantic. Then the cycle repeats itself. Sometimes I feel Proud of myself- That’d I’m just fine the way I am. But moments later, I’d feel- Not good enough. And worst, is when I feel utterly dreadful; as though I’m a revolting skinny stick-insect around- or perhaps a hideous stout Green Troll. You question me- Why don’t you try out a relationship? Well, I’ll tell you why Missy-
I’m simply not good enough
But What’s good enough?
I Was Never good enough
And I’ll Never be good enough
Does that answer your question?- No? Well, I’d just have to go on saying that I haven’t found the right one- That I’m too young – That Singlehood and No Dating is the Best- That I’ve no time
Which are all actually pretty darn true.
Still. You tell me- Florence, you’re so Lucky.
Lucky? Lucky? You tell me I’m lucky? Yes. I am. Very lucky in fact. To have awesome friends and a Caring family. But I’m not lucky- To have Me as Me. What on earth is wrong with me? Why am I bothering to express how I really feel- Behind all the jokes and Never-Ending Chit-Chats. I’m sure many of You Missies feel the same way as I do. That Your simply not good enough.
But what’s good enough?
You were never good enough
And you’ll never be.
Finally.A Post.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Vrey Menaningful
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh?
Amzanig huh?
-Save the Children- South Asia Floods
a meaningful picture, that caught my attention.. many children in the world are suffering.. every child deserves a home.
Save the Children globally is launching an urgent appeal for children in South Asia who are currently affected by floods. At least 10 million children across Bangladesh, India and Pakistan are at risk. Homes have been swept away, water supplies have been contaminated and they are exposed to the dangers of water-borne diseases.
Across the region more than 23 million people are currently affected - 6.9 million in Bangladesh, 13.7 million in India and 2.5 million in Pakistan.
if you'd like to learn more on how you could help these unfortunate children
please view this link
https://savethechildren.infoxchange.net.au/donation.shtml
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
some awesome SINGLISH SHYT.
The typical singlish joke.
I'm sure many have heard of it before.
But hey, it gets to me everytime..
A "Mallu" female
Went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY.
When the manager saw the Mallu's colourful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair,
His mind was screaming " NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu.
So he told her " If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance."
The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK ."
The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said : " I hear the phone
GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW...... BLUE's that?
WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number ...........Don' t PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?
Thankyou." The Manager fainted..... ..
I'm sure many have heard of it before.
But hey, it gets to me everytime..
A "Mallu" female
Went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY.
When the manager saw the Mallu's colourful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair,
His mind was screaming " NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu.
So he told her " If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance."
The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK ."
The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said : " I hear the phone
GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW...... BLUE's that?
WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number ...........Don' t PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?
Thankyou." The Manager fainted..... ..
MY MOTHER taught me the world.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that the curry stain will come off the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to ground you for the whole of next week!"
4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall down and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you bring an umbrella, in case it rains."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your dinner."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When you fall off those skates and break your legs, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"You dirty girl, I picked you up from a rubbish bin.”
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that the curry stain will come off the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to ground you for the whole of next week!"
4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall down and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you bring an umbrella, in case it rains."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your dinner."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When you fall off those skates and break your legs, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"You dirty girl, I picked you up from a rubbish bin.”
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Great Advice for Girls
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
13. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
14. Sadly, all men are created equal...
15. So there's no point trying, really.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
13. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
14. Sadly, all men are created equal...
15. So there's no point trying, really.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
MY DAILY PRAYER
Dear Heavenly Father,
I think you'd be proud of me! So far today I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, lusted, lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. Praise Your Name! I'm grateful for Your grace...
But Lord, a few minutes from now, I'm getting out of bed... From then on I'm going to need a lot MORE of Your help!
I think you'd be proud of me! So far today I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, lusted, lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. Praise Your Name! I'm grateful for Your grace...
But Lord, a few minutes from now, I'm getting out of bed... From then on I'm going to need a lot MORE of Your help!
Monday, August 20, 2007
(: i stumbled upon this..
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.
As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy."
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common."
As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy."
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common."
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