Heart

I don't know why.. but day by day, i just feel more and more closed in, more and more like as though- if each time some stranger laughs, he's laughing at me. Why?!

I know i've alot to be thankful for, my friends.my family.
But why Me? Why My Life? I don't know..Im not worthy of anything.


There is a monster living deep inside of me.
He eats my insides making me feel hungry.
I try to fill the void that he leaves inside.
No matter how much I bury him,
He just wont die.

I know the problem,
So why cant I stop?
I eat and eat until I feel my insides rot.
I beat myself with guilt,
Every time I let that monster win.
But when I'm done feeling sorry for myself,
The cycle begins all over again.

I get called so many vile names because I'm fat.
You'd think I'd want to stop just because of that.
But the pain people cause just makes me crave more.
I find myself hiding behind the refrigerator door.

I can't go on living this lie.
I am tired of drowning the pain,
That I try to hide.
My secret is tearing me apart.
Because no amount of food in the world,
Will satisfy my starving heart.

life

I'm stuck in a world where I don't want to be
Suffering a pain that no one can see
A pain so deep, so bottled up inside
Brings thoughts of self-harm and suicide.

These thoughts trigger a self-punishing action
But to me it’s a mere distraction
I'm plagued by these thoughts in my mind
To me they're so clear but to others they're blind.

Each day I wake with hostile thoughts
What lies ahead makes me fraught
The voice in my head is so intense
To others it's nothing but to me it's immense

I feel despondent with no future ahead
But I'll have one soon and this path I'll tread
This path will lead me to a place I can endure
And I'll never go back to the way I was before.


with love.